Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
