He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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