no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i already hear my dad disowning me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
