I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
