I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize