ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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