the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just googled if crying burns calories
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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