You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
