Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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