Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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