you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
