barbara walters just said penis...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
