my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
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i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
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Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sorry about my life...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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