We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
