My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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