He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
