I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
please come you make the beer taste better
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
