Sry I called you an 8
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
