New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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