i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
