My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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