I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
