fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
