just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
