Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
