I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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