sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
