Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
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