Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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