I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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