OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
