Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
