i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
