you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he shaved USA in his pubs
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
