I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
