It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
