she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
