Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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