Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
