did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
