you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
