I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
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We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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