i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
