Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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