question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
