finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
