Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
