Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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