Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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