i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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