On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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