Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
