They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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