This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
