You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
