remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
