I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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