I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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