I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
