So drunk its hurt
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
