I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Randomize
