People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
