Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you made out with another girl for some wings
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
