He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
