dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
