$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
