Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
