Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
