I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
