good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
