Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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